You’ve done your homework. All that’s left to do now is the talking. It won’t be easy. But if you embrace the following roadmap, it can be a productive start to a successful child-parent dialogue.

Make Your Loved One Comfortable

When, where and how you have the talk can be just as important as what you say. The first thing you should do, therefore, is arrange to have the conversation at a time that’s convenient for your parents and in a place that’s comfortable for them.

If your parents hate talking on the phone, for example, it might be best to have the talk in person—even if that means waiting a few months until your next visit if you live out of state. Likewise, blindsiding them over dinner in a public restaurant might not be the best approach. Instead, tell them ahead of time that you’d like to have a serious conversation, and let them decide where they’d like to have it. That gives them time to prepare themselves, and makes them feel like they have agency in the discussion they’re about to have with you.

Break the Ice

Starting the discussion often is the most difficult part of it. To get things off on the right foot, consider different ways to break the ice with anecdotes. For instance, you could:

• APPEAL TO THEIR DESIRES:
  
  Have your parents been dreaming about traveling? Does Mom regularly muse about how nice it would be to have more neighbors her age, or how she misses her Bunco group? Seize on those desires and use them as a jumping-off point.
  
  For example, “I know you guys have been wanting to travel more. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could put some of the money you’re spending on the house into traveling? Or if you didn’t have to worry about the house while you were away? If you lived in a senior living community, you might have more freedom to do the things you’ve been wanting to do.”
  
  
• ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEARS:
  
  Has Dad had health scares? Has Mom been having memory problems? Did they have a hard time putting up their holiday decorations this year, or stocking up for a big winter storm? Offering solutions to things they’re already worried about can be an effective approach.
  
  For example, “Remember last summer when you tripped in your garden? Thank goodness you were OK, but what if something like that happens again? If you lived in a senior living community, you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”
  
  
• EMPHASIZE SUCCESS STORIES:
  
  The grass is always greener on the other side. Sharing positive anecdotes from friends and family members who have already made the transition to senior living can help you make the grass look even greener.
  
  For example, “Didn’t your cousin Mary recently move into a senior living community? I hear that she’s really loving it. Have you thought about doing something similar?”
  
  
• SET AN EXAMPLE:
  
  If your parents are procrastinators, it might help if you lead the way. And leading by example can be especially effective.
  
  For example, “I finally sat down with an attorney last month to do my estate planning. I feel so much better having that done. Have you guys done yours yet?”
  
  
• PLEAD TO THEIR INNER PARENT:
  
  Your parents have always wanted the best for you, and the last thing they want to be is a burden. Appealing to their inner nurturers can therefore be a good way to grab their attention.
  
  For example, “I’ve been feeling really anxious lately about how I’m going to possibly manage everything in the future—maintaining my job, caring for the kids and watching over you guys. Knowing you were safe in a senior living community would sure make me feel better.”

Embrace Empathy

Next to practical information about what senior living communities are and what benefits they confer, probably the most important thing you can bring to your conversation with Mom and Dad is empathy. Because even if you approach the discussion from the right place and make all the right points, your parents might still have a negative reaction initially. And that’s understandable.

Change is hard to process, and aging is emotional. Before you become defensive or combative, try to put yourself in your parents’ shoes. Remain calm, honest and rational, even if they cannot. If you can be continually cognizant of their concerns and unflinchingly respectful of their feelings, cooler heads eventually will prevail.

Practice Active Listening

Next to practical information about what senior living communities are and what benefits they confer, probably the most important thing you can bring to your conversation with Mom and Dad is empathy. Because even if you approach the discussion from the right place and make all the right points, your parents might still have a negative reaction initially. And that’s understandable.

Change is hard to process, and aging is emotional. Before you become defensive or combative, try to put yourself in your parents’ shoes. Remain calm, honest and rational, even if they cannot. If you can be continually cognizant of their concerns and unflinchingly respectful of their feelings, cooler heads eventually will prevail.

Be Persistent, Not Pushy

Your parents are still your parents. Just because they’ve reached a certain age doesn’t mean they’ve lost their powers of reason or relinquished their sovereignty. Even when they disagree with you, they’re still autonomous adults who are allowed to make their own decisions.

With that in mind, it’s helpful to remember that your role is not that of a decider someone who makes unilateral decisions on behalf of your entire family—but rather that of an advisor: someone who suggests, informs, encourages and inspires. If you don’t get the accord you were seeking right away, that’s OK. If you continue to make and repeat your points, your parents eventually will hear you out.

You’ve Talked…Now What?

To move the needle, keep the conversation alive.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your parents’ future be. Progress takes persistence. No matter how things go, it’s important to keep communicating. After all, The Talk is rarely a single conversation.

More often than not, it’s the opening salvo in a series of conversations that gradually, eventually produces the best outcome for parents and children alike. That outcome might be a senior living community. But also, it might not be.

Either way, coming to a decision requires a slow and steady approach that’s based on compromise and collaboration. Like sailing, you’ve got to constantly assess the wind and adjust your sails in order to reach your destination—whether you’re captain of the boat or just another crew member.

Find more helpful information in the full guide. Click below to access it now!

Know your why.

As important as it is to know what senior living communities are, it’s even more important to know why they’re attractive to residents and their families, many of whom might embrace the idea of aging in place were it not for some very legitimate concerns.

The following are some of common reasons that parents and their adult children turn to senior living communities; before you sit down with your parents, ask yourself which ones resonate with you, and which ones might resonate with Mom and Dad.

Safety

Although your parents may wish to age in place, doing so can come with significant risks—including falls, which are the leading cause of injury among adults 65 and older thanks to their limited mobility, decreased eyesight and increased fragility. For older adults, even minor falls sustained doing routine household chores can have major implications, including broken bones and fractures, head injuries, permanent disability and even death.

Why Senior Living? Senior living communities often have accessible residences that are designed for seniors’ safety, as well as amenities like meal service and housekeeping that preclude seniors from attempting dangerous household chores.

Health & Wellness

Even if your parents manage to avoid falling, they’ll still be prone to medical emergencies. What happens if they have a heart attack, for instance, or a stroke? What if they mix up their medications, or have an allergic reaction? And what about diet and fitness? Malnourishment and muscle loss can be common in seniors, many of who stop shopping, eating and exercising when it becomes more difficult for them to drive and walk.

Why Senior Living? Certain types of senior housing, like assisted living communities, may have medical personnel onsite who can assist in the event of a medical emergency. Many have meal services that ensure proper nutrition, and most offer amenities and activities to help residents stay active and fit.

Financial Security

Money is a common concern for seniors, many of whom live on a fixed income. If a financial emergency were to befall them, would they be okay? A medical event, for example, could be just as hurtful to their wealth as it is to their health. A home disaster, such as a broken furnace or flooded basement, could be equally disruptive.

And then there are financial fraudsters, for whom seniors are often easy prey. Even something as routine as paying bills can become problematic for older adults, whose failing eyesight and discomfort with the latest technologies could lead to missed or mis-paid bills, which in turn can lead to cancellation or interruption of critical services.

Why Senior Living? Senior living communities make for stable and predictable expenses, which makes financial planning and management simple for seniors and their families. Plus, many communities offer tiered services that can flex to fit any budget.

Socialization

As they age, seniors often see less of friends and peers. Some of them retire in faraway places. Some of them become ill or disabled. Some become isolated due to lack of mobility. Still others pass away. Meanwhile, grown children who used to consume so much of their time become busy with careers and families of their own. The cumulative effect for many older adults is a smaller social circle that can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Why Senior Living? Senior living communities are designed with socialization in mind, offering ample opportunity to participate in organized activities as well as impromptu social engagements.

Support

When friends and family are absent, it’s not just seniors’ social lives that suffer. It’s also their support system. Suddenly, they have no one to check in on them to make sure they’re okay. That can have consequences not only for their mental health, but also for their physical well-being.

For example, imagine a natural disaster; in the event of a major tornado, blizzard, earthquake or hurricane, who would make sure your parents had food, water and heat, or help them evacuate if it was no longer safe to shelter in place?

Why Senior Living? Senior living communities have built-in support in the form of neighbors and friends, as well as professional staff.

Mental Acuity

Aging doesn’t just impact the body. It also impacts the mind. In particular, memory loss from Alzheimer’s disease and dementia can create its own kinds of safety concerns. Seniors with cognitive illness, for example, may be prone to wandering and might endanger themselves with simple acts of absentmindedness, like leaving a hot stove unattended.

Why Senior Living? Many senior living communities offer memory care services that are designed especially for seniors with Alzheimer’s and dementia.

A senior living community can bridge the gap between the help your parents need and the help you’re able to offer.

While you’re contemplating how a senior living community can benefit your parents, consider how it can benefit you, as well. If Mom and Dad choose to age in place, at some point they’ll likely need increased support and supervision from you. Think about your own responsibilities at work and at home. Do you have the time to be a full- or even part-time caregiver? To help on a routine basis with groceries and household chores? What about the social and emotional bandwidth that caregiving requires? A senior living community can bridge the gap between the help your parents need and the help you’re able to offer.

For more assistance in preparing to talk with your loved one about senior living, click the link below to view our full guide.

The best weapon against uncertainty is information.

Before you attempt to have a talk with your parents, you must have a talk with yourself—about what senior living communities are, what they offer and why your parents should consider moving to one. The more homework you do ahead of time, the better prepared you’ll be to make a compelling case to your parents when you speak with them.

To lay good groundwork, you must have the facts.

Separate fact from fiction.

Thanks to television shows and movies that are based on old stereotypes and outdated models of care, you and your parents probably have preconceived notions about what a senior living community is. Before you broach the subject, therefore, it’s important to understand what senior housing is all about.

First and foremost, you should know that a senior living community is not a nursing home, and that senior housing is not a one-size-fits-all solution. In fact, senior housing today is all about flexibility and choice—giving seniors and their families a wide variety of options to suit their unique needs, circumstances and objectives.

Common Misconceptions

“I’m going to lose my independence.”

Communities are designed to provide just the right amount of support and assistance to help you live life to the fullest.

“There is no place like home.”

Residents enjoy convenience and comfort of lush green landscaping, beautifully decorated interiors, spacious accommodations and amenities such as pools, fitness centers, restaurant-style dining, and housekeeping and laundry services. No more home maintenance or yard work!

“I’m too old to make new friends and try new things.”

Most communities have a dedicated program director and monthly calendars filled with clubs, classes, events, outings where you can meet and engage with other residents.

Most Common Fears for Seniors

If you’re considering senior living for your love one, it’s important that you don’t approach the move from a purely practical standpoint. This is an emotional time with common fears that include:

• Loss of independence
• Failing health, particularly memory
• Running out of money
• Having to leave their home
• Losing loved ones
• Having to depend on others
• Not being able to drive
• Being isolated and lonely
• Falling or becoming incapacitated

Take these fears to heart as your family discusses the future together. Showing empathy and patience will provide comfort that you’re on their side, can strengthen your relationship and even help them warm up to the idea of moving.

Playing up the Positive

Yes, there are the fears, but what about the gains? It’s just as important to make sure your loved one knows exactly what they have to look forward to. In many ways, it can truly be a new beginning. Here are the facts:

• The environment fosters independence.
• The lifestyle is worry-free.
• Loneliness is a no-go.
• You can still be you.

There are many considerations when it comes to discussing senior living. For more insight and direction on how to engage your loved one in the conversation, click the button below to check out our full guide.

Making the Transition

Once you’ve chosen the community it’s time to plan the move. Even though your family has agreed that senior living is best, there’s still likely to be a great deal of trepidation about what to expect. It’s important to include the community at this point of the process. They will be more than happy to help ease the transition for all of you!

Here’s how:

• Ask what resources they recommend such as realtors, moving companies and professional downsizing specialists.
• Arrange an in-home visit from the community. A staff member will visit, get to know your loved one, learn their needs, likes and desires and answer any questions you may have.
• Visit the community often with your loved one to have a meal, participate in activities and get to know the staff as well as your new neighbors.

What to Expect

Once you put down a deposit, an assessment will be scheduled (unless you are moving into independent living) to ensure the community can provide you with all the care required. The assessment also determines the additional costs for personal care. There are communities that include some care within the monthly fee and others separate rent and care. Every state regulates senior living differently, and the state determines what care can and cannot be provided.

Following the assessment, you will schedule a lease signing with the community’s executive director. Be sure to ask what paperwork is needed for this meeting.

Typically, you will need:

• A physician’s clearance form
• Insurance, Medicare and Social Security cards
• Chest X-ray or a negative TB test
• Legal documents such as healthcare proxy, power of attorney, etc.

Don’t Wait: Let the Fun Begin

Once you’ve deposited and schedule your move-in date, you’re part of the family! To ease the transition, visit the community often. This will allow the new resident to get acclimated to the building and grounds as well as make new friends with other residents and staff members so that they see familiar faces when they officially move into their new home.

Reasons to Visit:

• Grab a meal: Many communities will allow you to come enjoy a complimentary meal. The dining room is the social hub of most communities and therefore a great place to meet people.
• Activities: Most communities would gladly welcome you to participate in the activities, events or entertainment that interests you. Talk to the Life Enrichment or Activities team to get a copy of the current monthly activity calendar. There are bound to be things you can join in on.
• Schedule a time: If you have questions or are unclear about anything, make an appointment to chat with a community representative. They want your transition to run smoothly and will do what they can to ensure that this happens.

Need more guidance on how to smoothly transition to senior living? Click below to see the full guide!