You’ve started the conversation about moving to a senior living community; now, you’ve got to keep it going. Here are some next steps to consider.

Keep in mind that the senior-living conversation is rarely a single conversation. More often, it’s a series of progressive conversations that take place over time. If you don’t get the accord you were seeking right away, that’s OK. If you continue to make and repeat your points, your family eventually will hear you out. 

As the conversation continues, there are things you can do to move the needle in a positive direction. For example:

MEET WITH A FINANCIAL ADVISOR

Money can be one of the biggest concerns for family members who are skeptical of senior housing. Although they want to support you emotionally, they worry whether they will be able to support you financially. Meeting with a financial advisor can help you and your loved ones understand what resources you need, what resources you have and what might be required to fill the gap between them if there is one. Importantly, a financial advisor also can help you compare the costs of living in a senior living community to the costs of aging in place. When you consider the money you might spend over time on home maintenance, in-home healthcare and other expenses, the latter isn’t always as affordable as it seems.

TAKE A TOUR

Talking about a senior living community is one thing. Actually seeing a community is something else entirely. If you’re still trying to decide on a community, invite your family members to join you on tours. And if you’ve already chosen a community, schedule a time to visit it with them. Although they may still have reservations, family members often end up excited for you when they see firsthand what your life is going to look like and the ways in which it might improve.

DELEGATE DUTIES AND DECISIONS

Ultimately, where you want to live is your choice. Involving family members in the process, however, can make them feel important and engaged. That, in turn, can build buy-in. For instance, you could task adult children with helping you find potential communities to tour and explore. Or if you’ve already chosen a community, you could ask loved ones to help you do research about the area around it, or help execute your move by hiring movers, organizing a garage sale or planning a housewarming party.

Don’t miss the full guide on how to talk to your family about senior living! Click below!

When broaching the subject of moving into a senior living community with your family, empathy and earnestness are the keys to constructive conversation.

Ultimately, all your planning and preparation are groundwork for a single moment: convening a family meeting to finally announce your senior-living wishes. Like other family meetings you may have had over the years, the ensuing conversation might be unsettling and uncomfortable. But it’s also really important. Keeping in mind the following advice will ensure that everyone feels heard so you can build your future with the support of a family that’s united instead of divided.

Make A Date

When, where and how you have the talk can be just as important as what you say. The first thing you should do is to arrange having the conversation at a time and place that’s convenient for your loved ones. Instead of blindsiding them over dinner in a public restaurant, for example, tell them ahead of time that you’d like to have a serious conversation, then let them decide where they’d like to have it. That gives them time to prepare themselves, and makes them feel like they have agency in the discussion they’re about to have with you.

Break The Ice

Starting the discussion often is the most difficult part of it. To get things off on the right foot, consider different ways to break the ice. For instance, you could:

1. Emphasize your desires.
2. Acknowledge obstacles.
3. Share success stories.
4. Focus on the Family.

Underscore Your Independence

If your family is concerned about your decision, it could be because they imagine senior living communities as places where seniors live sedentary lifestyles inside cloistered facilities. The refreshing reality—that many senior living communities not only encourage active, independent living, but actually make it safer and more feasible—can be eye-opening for adult children and others who are skeptical.

Make It Clear: This Isn’t Personal

Adult children in particular might take it personally when you tell them that you want to live in senior housing. They might have imagined, for example, that you would eventually move in with them when you needed extra support. Or maybe you already do live with them, in which case they might feel hurt that you have decided you’d be happier elsewhere. In the case of assisted living communities, adult children might also have a hard time entrusting your well-being to others, insisting that no one will be able to give you the same level of care and love that they can give.

If you sense that your loved ones feel wounded by your wishes, the best thing you can do is reiterate your motivations and reassure them that your choice has nothing to do with them. They didn’t do anything wrong or push you away; rather, you’re simply ready to pursue new goals in a new environment.

Embrace Empathy

Even if your family doesn’t take your decision personally, they might have other objections. For example, perhaps your adult children were counting on you for childcare that you’ll no longer be able to provide. Maybe they’re worried that your decision will have financial implications for them—that they will have to help you cover the costs of senior living, for example, or that you will spend their inheritance on rent. Or perhaps your aging simply makes them feel insecure about their own advancing years.

Whatever they are, their concerns are real, even if you don’t believe them to be valid. For that reason, the most important thing you can bring to your conversation with family is empathy. Change is hard to process, and aging is emotional. Before you become defensive or combative, try to put yourself in your family’s shoes. Remain calm, honest and rational, even if they cannot. If you can be continually aware of their concerns and unflinchingly respectful of their feelings, cooler heads eventually will prevail.

Practice Active Listening

Remember, this is supposed to be a conversation. That means not just talking, but also listening. Often, family members who have objections or concerns simply want to be heard as they process the new choices and challenges that you’re facing. You can do your part to help them through it by being silent and attentive, by not interrupting, by withholding judgment, by asking insightful questions and by repeating their points back to them so they know you understood them.

For more tips on discussing moving to a senior living community with your family, check out the guide!

The decision is yours–but making it is easier when your family supports you.

For many seniors, older adulthood eventually brings with it an “aha” moment. It could be early in the morning at the kitchen table, when you’re sipping hot coffee in an empty house that was made for six instead of two. It might be when you find yourself getting winded carrying laundry up the stairs, or when your spouse slips in the shower and nearly breaks a bone. Or maybe it will come on a Saturday night, wishing you were engaged in a boisterous game of canasta with friends instead of nodding off yet again in front of the television. Whenever and wherever it appears, what you’ll probably think to yourself when it comes is, “Maybe it’s time for a change.”

Aging isn’t the end of the road. Rather, it’s the beginning of a new one.

And maybe it is. By the time you reach retirement age, the children you spent your adult life raising are grown. The friends with whom you made your favorite memories have moved on. The hobbies you used to enjoy are no longer fulfilling. And even the most routine household chores have become a lot harder to do.

But aging isn’t the end of the road. Rather, it’s the beginning of a new one. When it’s no longer serving you, letting go of the lifestyle you had can make room for the lifestyle you want.

Whatever it entails—time with family, traveling, yoga, gardening or golf, to name just a few of the infinite possibilities—that lifestyle might become more attainable by moving to a senior living community. There, in a home that’s made for aging, surrounded by useful services, attractive amenities and scores of new friends, your next chapter can be simpler, safer and more satisfying.

Whether your loved ones are welcoming of the idea or wary of it, discussing your future in a senior living community can bring parents, children and siblings closer together in ways that benefit the entire family for years to come—that is, as long as you approach the conversation in ways that are caring, considerate and informed.

Using this guide to plan your discussion will ensure that you do: