{"id":1670,"date":"2023-09-22T08:53:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-22T08:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/\/when-its-time-for-the-talk-how-to-discuss-senior-living-with-mom-and-dad\/"},"modified":"2023-09-27T15:56:00","modified_gmt":"2023-09-27T15:56:00","slug":"when-its-time-for-the-talk-how-to-discuss-senior-living-with-mom-and-dad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theclaiborne.com\/brickmont-at-woodstock\/when-its-time-for-the-talk-how-to-discuss-senior-living-with-mom-and-dad\/","title":{"rendered":"When It’s Time For The Talk: How to Discuss Senior Living with Mom and Dad"},"content":{"rendered":"
A Claiborne Senior Living Guide<\/div>\n
There will never be a perfect time to talk
\nto your parents about transitioning to a
\nsenior living community, but there is a
\nperfect way. Here\u2019s how to broach the subject with compassion and common sense.<\/div>\n
Start Read<\/div>\n

[arrow-down]<\/a><\/p>\n

Sailing Into Senior Living<\/h2>\n
It’s time to “captain” the senior living conversation.<\/div>\n

\"Adult<\/p>\n

\n

In consultations with clients young and old, financial advisors often liken retirement to sailing. It\u2019s easy to see why. There\u2019s a destination\u2014financial security\u2014not to mention countless storms along the way,including everything from market volatility to wallet-rattling events like death, divorce and illness. Getting through them safely and securely takes a little bit of luck and a lot of skill, just like sailing.<\/p>\n

In most advisors\u2019 sailing metaphors, navigators are the star. Because
\nwhen it comes to money, navigation is paramount. When it comes to the emotional aspects of aging, however, the most important person on the boat is usually the captain. After all, navigators help
\nwith coordinates, but only the captain can steer the ship.<\/p>\n

Every senior would like to be their own skipper. And yet, there often are occasions where adult children must don the captain\u2019s hat on their parents\u2019 behalf. One of those occasions is when it\u2019s time to talk about transitioning to a senior living community.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Challenging though it may be, talking about senior housing can be made infinitely easier with a little preparation and forethought.<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
\n

Ideally, older adults will recognize for themselves when they\u2019ve aged out of their current home and lifestyle. But self-awareness is a tricky thing. It can be difficult to see the reality of one\u2019s circumstances when you\u2019re in the middle of it. When that\u2019s the case, the trusted voice of a close family member can shine the light that\u2019s needed to see things not as they used to be, but as they currently are.<\/p>\n

To be sure, it\u2019s a difficult discussion. And yet, it\u2019s also a necessary discussion. Because underneath the stress and discomfort of candid conversation are real and urgent issues that threaten seniors\u2019 physical and fiscal wellness\u2014not to mention that of their grown children, on whose shoulders eventually can fall the responsibility for their parents\u2019 health and happiness. Sooner or later, you have to have The Talk. Not only for Mom and Dad\u2019s sake, but also for your own.<\/p>\n

Challenging though it may be, talking about senior housing can be made infinitely easier with a little preparation and forethought. Use this guide to form a plan that makes the conversation comfortable and productive, ensuring smooth sailing through rough waters for you, your parents and your entire family.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\"Blooming
\n\"magnolia<\/p>\n

The trusted voice of a close family member can shine the light that\u2019s needed to see things not as they used to be, but as they currently are.<\/h2>\n

\"Man<\/p>\n

Before You Talk<\/h2>\n
The best weapon against uncertainty is information.<\/div>\n
\n

Before you attempt to have a talk with your parents, you must have a talk with yourself\u2014about what senior living communities are, what
\nthey offer and why your parents should consider moving to one. The more homework you do ahead of time, the better prepared you\u2019ll be tomake a compelling case to your parents when you speak with them.<\/p>\n

To lay good groundwork, take the following preparatory steps:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\"Older<\/p>\n

1. Separate fact from fiction.<\/h2>\n
\n

Thanks to television shows and movies that are based on old stereotypes and
\noutdated models of care, you and your parents probably have preconceived notions about what a senior living community is. Before you broach the subject, therefore, it\u2019s important to understand what senior housing is all about.<\/p>\n

First and foremost, you should know that a senior living community is not a nursing home, and that senior housing is not a one-size-fitsall
\nsolution. In fact, senior housing today is all about flexibility and choice\u2014giving seniors and their families a wide variety of options to suit their unique needs, circumstances and objectives.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Communities to consider include:<\/h1>\n
    \n
  • \n

    Independent Living Communities<\/h3>\n
    Comprising age-restricted neighborhoods or campuses of apartments, condominiums or even single-family homes, independent living communities are designed for selfsufficient seniors who want to be part of a community while also maintaining their independence and privacy. Amenities like dining services, housekeeping, home maintenance and organized activities can ease the burdens of senior living without threatening seniors\u2019 autonomy.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n
  • \n

    Memory Care Communities<\/h3>\n
    Memory care communities offer assisted living for seniors with cognitive illnesses like Alzheimer\u2019s disease and dementia. Because Alzheimer\u2019s and dementia care can present unique challenges, they feature staff, services and social activities that are tailored to residents\u2019 special needs.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n
  • \n

    Skilled Nursing Facilities<\/h3>\n
    Skilled nursing facilities offer 24-hour supervised care for seniors who have severe physical or cognitive illnesses that make them dependent on others for even the most basic aspects of daily living.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n
  • \n

    Assisted Living Communities<\/h3>\n
    Like independent living communities,assisted living communities offer residences and amenities that make life easier and safer for the seniors who live in them. For the older adult who needs it, however, they offer baked-in assistance with daily activities like medication management, bathing, dressing and transportation.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n
  • \n

    Life Plan Communities<\/h3>\n
    Also known as continuing care retirement communities, or CCRCs, life plan communities are
    \ndesigned to be dynamic and flexible by offering independent living, assisted living, memory care and skilled nursing all in the same place. In so doing, they allow seniors to live out their retirement in the same community\u2014safe, secure and stable\u2014no matter how their needs might change as they age.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    \"Group<\/p>\n

    2. Know your why.<\/h2>\n
    \n

    As important as it is to know what senior living communities are, it\u2019s even more important to know why they\u2019re attractive to residents and their families, many of whom might embrace the idea of aging in place were it not for some very legitimate concerns. The following are some of common reasons that parents and their adult children turn to senior living communities; before you sit down with your parents, ask yourself which ones resonate with you, and which ones might resonate with Mom and Dad.<\/p>\n

    Safety<\/span><\/h4>\n

    Although your parents may wish to age in place, doing so can come with significant risks\u2014including falls, which are the leading cause of injury among adults 65 and older thanks to their
    \nlimited mobility, decreased eyesight and increased fragility. For older adults, even minor falls sustained doing routine household chores can have major implications, including broken bones and fractures, head injuries, permanent disability and even death.<\/p>\n

    Why Senior Living: <\/b><\/span> Senior living communities often have accessible residences that
    \nare designed for seniors\u2019 safety, as well as amenities like meal service and housekeeping that preclude seniors from attempting dangerous household chores.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Health and Wellness<\/span><\/h4>\n

    Even if your parents manage to avoid falling, they\u2019ll still be prone to medical emergencies. What happens if they have a heart attack, for instance, or a stroke? What if they mix up their
    \nmedications, or have an allergic reaction? And what about diet and fitness? Malnourishment and muscle loss can be common in seniors, many of who stop shopping, eating and exercising when it becomes more difficult for them to drive and walk.<\/p>\n

    Why Senior Living: <\/b><\/span>Certain types of senior housing, like assisted living communities, may have medical personnel onsite who can assist in the event of a medical emergency. Many have meal services that ensure proper nutrition, and most offer amenities and activities to help residents stay active and fit.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \"Senior<\/p>\n

    \n

    Financial Security<\/span><\/h4>\n

    Money is a common concern for seniors, many of whom live on a fixed income. If a financial emergency were to befall them, would they be OK? A medical event, for example, could be just as hurtful to their wealth as it is to their health. A home disaster, such as a broken furnace or flooded basement, could be equally disruptive. And then there are financial fraudsters, for whom seniors are often easy prey. Even something as routine as paying bills can become problematic for older adults, whose failing eyesight and discomfort with the latest technologies could lead to missed or mispaid bills, which in turn can lead to cancellation or interruption of critical services.<\/p>\n

    Why Senior Living: <\/b><\/span>Senior living communities make for stable and predictable expenses, which makes financial planning and management simple for seniors and their families. Plus, many communities offer tiered services that can flex to fit any budget.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Socialization<\/span><\/h4>\n

    As they age, seniors often see less of friends and peers. Some of them retire in faraway places. Some of them become ill or disabled. Some become isolated due to lack of mobility. Still others pass away. Meanwhile, grown children who used to consume so much of their time become busy with careers and families of their own. The cumulative effect for many older adults is a smaller social circle that can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.<\/p>\n

    Why Senior Living: <\/b><\/span>Senior living communities are designed with socialization in mind, offering ample opportunity to participate in organized activities as well as impromptu social engagements.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Support<\/span><\/h4>\n

    When friends and family are absent, it\u2019s not just seniors\u2019 social lives that suffer. It\u2019s also their support system. Suddenly, they have no one to check in on them to make sure they\u2019re OK. That can have consequences not only for their mental health, but also for their physical well-being. For example, imagine a natural disaster; in the event of a major tornado, blizzard, earthquake or hurricane, who would make sure your parents had food, water and heat, or help them evacuate if it was no longer safe to shelter in place?<\/p>\n

    Why Senior Living: <\/b><\/span>Senior living communities have built-in support in the form of neighbors and friends, as well as professional staff.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    Mental Acuity<\/span><\/h4>\n

    Aging doesn\u2019t just impact the body. It also impacts the mind. In particular, memory loss from Alzheimer\u2019s disease and dementia can create its own kinds of safety concerns. Seniors with cognitive illness, for example, may be prone to wandering and might endanger themselves with simple acts of absentmindedness, like leaving a hot stove unattended.<\/i><\/p>\n

    Why Senior Living: <\/b><\/span>Many senior living communities offer memory care services that are designed especially for seniors with Alzheimer\u2019s and dementia.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    A senior living community can bridge
    \nthe gap between the help your parents need and the help you\u2019re able to offer.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    \n

    While you\u2019re contemplating how a senior living community can benefit your parents, consider how it can benefit you, as well. If Mom and Dad choose to age in place, at some point they\u2019ll likely need increased support and supervision from you. Think about your own responsibilities at work and at home. Do you have the time to be a full- or even part-time caregiver? To help on a routine basis with groceries and household chores? What about the social and emotional bandwidth that caregiving requires? A senior living community can bridge the gap between the help your parents need and the help you\u2019re able to offer.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    \"Coffee<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    3. Huddle with siblings.<\/h2>\n
    \n

    Your parents aren\u2019t the only ones you might have to persuade on the merits of a senior living community. If you have siblings, you\u2019ll need to bring them into the conversation as well. Schedule a dedicated time to speak with them in person, over the phone or via video call. Then, have the same conversation with them that you\u2019ve been having with yourself. That means discussing your parents\u2019 current and future needs, as well as our own ability\u2014or inability\u2014to contribute to their care. You and your siblings should consider how close each of you lives to your parents, what each of you wants Mom and Dad\u2019s life as older adults to look like, what kind of help and support your parents might expect from you, and what role each of you will play in the larger caregiving picture.<\/p>\n

    If there are disagreements about Mom and Dad\u2019s future, you should speak about them openly and honestly, and listen sincerely to your siblings\u2019 concerns. If necessary, it might be helpful to seek the help of a neutral third-party professional who can facilitate a level-headed discussion in pursuit of consensus.<\/p>\n

    Ultimately, you should elect one of you to initiate and lead the senior living conversation<\/b>\u2014for example, the sibling who is emotionally closest to Mom and Dad, the sibling who lives nearest to them or the sibling who has always been the most rational and organized.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    4. Write it down.<\/h2>\n
    \n

    Whoever is in charge of the conversation should go into it with a written agenda\u2014things they want to say, points they want to make and questions they want to ask. Because talks about senior housing can be extremely emotional and stressful, it can be easy to forget in the moment what you planned to say. You only have one chance to start the conversation off on the right foot, and having a loose script, outline or checklist to work from can help you hit the right notes. And yet, you shouldn\u2019t rely too heavily on your written materials, as the best conversations typically come from the heart and not from the page.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    \"Beautiful<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    Time To Talk<\/h2>\n
    To succeed, be steadfast and sensitive in equal nature. <\/div>\n
    \n

    You\u2019ve done your homework. All that\u2019s left to do now is the talking.
    \nIt won\u2019t be easy. But if you embrace the following roadmap, it can
    \nbe a productive start to a successful child-parent dialogue.<\/p>\n

    1. Make your parents comfortable.<\/h4>\n

    When, where and how you have the talk can be just as important as what you say. The first thing you should do, therefore, is arrange to have the conversation at a time that\u2019s convenient for your parents and in a place that\u2019s comfortable for them. If your parents hate talking on the phone, for example, it might be best to have the talk in person\u2014even if that
    \nmeans waiting a few months until your next visit if you live out of state. Likewise, blindsiding them over dinner in a public restaurant might not be the best approach. Instead, tell them ahead of time that you\u2019d like to have a serious conversation, and let them decide where they\u2019d like to have it. That gives them time to prepare themselves, and makes them feel like they have agency in the discussion they\u2019re about to have with you.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

    \n

    2. Break the ice.<\/h4>\n

    Starting the discussion often is the most difficult part of it. To get things off on the right foot, consider different ways to break the ice with anecdotes. For instance, you could:<\/p>\n